Robert Goren For Dummies is an instructional book that is intended to present non intimidating guides for the people who are already in love or about to fall in love with Robert Goren. But before that, I hail all dummies with great respect! Come closer my curious, eager dummies, come closer! Let's start with the basics for people new to Robert Goren, shall we? Robert Goren is a fictional character, Robert Goren is a sexy detective, Robert Goren is an unreachable man. The bottomline; you can't help falling in love with him but with the help of this book written by the biggest dummy ever, you can make your life less pathetic. Well, certainly there are lots of self-help books out there and volumes of it are about love - finding it, getting it, keeping it and ridding it. Books on how to date, how to flirt, how to… Well, you know the rest. But loving Robert Goren is something different, no words can describe it. It's a lot like 'Love At First Sight Syndrome'. The French call it Le Coup De Foudre, the bolt of lightning, and thank God rarely do people get hit by lightning! Speaking of lightning, it's believed that twelve percent of lightning strikes occur at golf courses. Well, it also occurs on TV screen! As a burned, baked, broiled, carbonized, still smoldering person, oh yes, it really does occur on TV screen. Allright, let's proceed:
1. Admit the fact that you can't choose the one which your heart desires. Yes, platonic love hurts, falling in love without reciprocity seems to be a tragedy and makes you feel like a fool. But don't panic! Remember, it's all in your mind. Go ahead! Pinch yourself, lick your elbow or try to swallow your tongue. You see? There are other things in the world that hurt more and make you look like a complete idiot.
2. Noone can hand you Robert Goren on a silver platter. So stop waiting with your mouth open and start spending some quality time with yourself instead; think about penguins, repeat everything you hear in Italian accent, have a tea party with your pets, make SW lightsaber noises or read this blog. Come on! Try to have fun or at least let the people around you have fun.
3. Falling in love with Robert Goren is based on some chemical processes after all. They are the reason for the euphoria, trembling knees, heartbeating, temperature rises, loosing breath and mind at one time. In fact each time we keep busy doing something we like or perform dangerous sports or eat chocolate, the similar processes start in motion. So to get over your love sickness, be a xxxholic! Engage in skydiving, bungee jumping or buy a trampoline and jump upside down. Or just eat a chocolate for God's sake! All you need is yourself. And a chocolate. And ability to eat. Don't worry, the last one is given.
4. Love is not sex, sex is not love.. Blah, blah, blah. In our case as we can't have both, try to keep a 'who gives a damn' attitude outside. Well, don't (bother to) try this at home. Cry as much as you can when you're alone. Or curse if you like! Huh? Yeah, profanity sucks but who gives a damn?
5. The love of Robert Goren is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end. So don't begin. Or better run for your heart! If it's too late, don't forget; time does seem to be the only healer in the case of Robert Goren love. Be patient, pain will probably go away in another year or two, in a hundred years or two, in a thousand years or two... Speaking of time, most importantly don't post blogs about Robert Goren when you are supposed to be writing a thesis!
